


Just a Little Bent (Unfinished/Closed)

by simplistic_panda



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Connor - Freeform, CyberLife (Detroit: Become Human), Depressing Thoughts, F/M, Fanfiction, Heartbreak, Moving On, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Romance, Suicidal Tendencies, Symbolism, Trauma, mild depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-06-19 14:00:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15511422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplistic_panda/pseuds/simplistic_panda
Summary: I used to wonder what it would be like, to live outside these walls. Outside the one thing that seemed to keep me closed in. Now that I'm out, it's as if I don't wish to be here anymore. I lost the one thing I cared about, but here I am still pushing on. I used to ask myself why? Why keep on fighting, when there is nothing to move on from? Why was I the broken one? I was done with feeling pain. I was done with feeling everything. I was finally going to feel nothing at all. At least, that's what was supposed to happen. Then, he came. He showed me I wasn't broken, just a little bent.





	1. Shattered

I found myself staring into the eyes of fate. Staring down at the small capsule in my hands. If I were to swallow them all, I wouldn't have to feel the pain of the world anymore. I wouldn't have to feel anything. I know everyone pretended to worry about me, so it wouldn't come as much of a surprise. How come I'm so hesitant about this then? I slowly twisted the top of the bottle off, throwing the lid aside. This was it. No more worrying. Just peace. 

Suddenly, a gunshot erupted, and I felt my blood freeze. "E-emma?" I called out softly, my heart pounding wildly. The room grew silent, and I felt my whole body tense up. I found myself unable to move, as I stared at my wide open bathroom door. I put the bottle down, walking into my bedroom. There was no way I had imagined that gunshot. I noticed that my door was wide open, which wasn't how I had left it. Carefully, I stepped out, but felt the hair on the back of my neck rise up, when I saw my uncle, laying unconscious on the ground, blood pooling out the back of his head. 

"Daniel?" I heard Emma's soft voice call out to her android, fear evident in her voice. I hastily walked back to my room, searching for my cellphone, hastily searching through my things. I needed to call the police. Someone was in the house. I hastily dialed the number, my heart pounding. I kept my eyes on the door, as I slowly crept out, peering into Emma's room. She was staring at the android, confusion and fear swept along her features. I quietly spoke into the phone, before the woman could finish her sentence. "Someone is... is in my house, and they shot my uncle, please send help", I pleaded. I then noticed Daniel held a gun behind his back, causing my blood to freeze. I dropped my phone, charging after the android.

Everything happened in bullet time, me tackling the android, Emma crying out in fear, then the android, shooting me in the side. I slowly crumbled to the ground, holding where the bullet impacted into my skin. Blood was slowly trickling down my side, and I stared up at Daniel, pain taking over. He took Emma, walking out of the room, Emma shouting things I couldn't entirely make out. I heard my aunt screaming at the android, panicked. Of course, who wouldn't be. I stared at the ceiling of Emma's room, feeling a sense of fear taking me over. I couldn't die here. Not now. I had to make sure Emma was safe, but I couldn't move. I felt my breathing becoming shallow, as I fought for breath. I heard was the door opening and people filing in. An android walked over to me, staring at me with piercing brown eyes. "Someone's alive in here", he said, crouching down beside me.

"You're going to be all right miss", he said softly. I slowly began breathing, as I stared up at him. "Save.... Emma", I managed out, coughing. The android stared at me, seeming to look torn by my words, then he nodded, staring at me. "I have contacted the paramedics, you're going to be all right, and so is Emma", he promised, slowly standing up. I stared at him, as he left the room, a smile slowly spreading on my face. Emma was going to be okay. I could finally have peace. I felt my vision darken, as I stared at Emma's ceiling. The end wasn't looking too bad to me. I could finally feel nothing. 

I heard an annoying beeping sound, before I could even open my eyes. There was a fire rippling along my side, and I found it hard to open my eyes. I tried to speak, but my voice cracked, evident that my throat was dry. Carefully, I blinked my eyes, adjusting to the bright white light shining in the room. I looked around the room, spotting Emma, my aunt, and my best friend Allanoi all sitting outside of my room, talking. I looked around the room, feeling a stab of sadness into me. I was still in this broken reality. I had been spared. A nurse then walked in, smiling softly at me. It made me feel slightly nauseous, because it was one of those fake smiles. 

"Hello miss, how are you feeling today?" she asked, keeping on that plastic smile. "Like I've been shot", I replied bitterly. The nurse looked down, then spoke softly once again. "Your family would like to come in, is that okay?" she asked. I shrugged. "Send them in", I replied. The nurse hastily walked out of the room, clearly wanting to get away from me. When the door opened again, Emma and my aunt came in first, smiling at me. Emma had a tear stained face and my aunt looked so broken. Emma called out my name, running into my arms, as she wrapped me into a tight hug. I smiled, hugging her back.

"Hey, I'm so glad you're okay", I whispered, hugging her tightly. At least there was one good thing about living. "I heard that android talking about you, the one who saved me. He said he saw pills in your room. Mommy said I shouldn't bring it up but-", my aunt cut her off, sighing. "Emma!", she exclaimed. Emma bowed her head down slightly, staring at her mom. "I was just asking. Why would you want to leave us?" Emma asked, her eyes wide, and she looked like she was about to cry. "I'm not going anywhere, I was having trouble sleeping, and I needed to take one to sleep", I lied, feeling my heart tear.

My aunt grabbed Emma's hand, talking to her. "Emma, why don't you... go see Allanoi, tell her everything's okay. That... just wanted to sleep", Aunt Caroline said, saying my name in a soft tone. Emma nodded, looking at Aunt Caroline, with her large eyes, before walking out the door. My aunt then looked at me, tears filling her eyes, as she shook her head. "How did I not know?" she asked softly, sitting beside me on the bed. "How could I have missed?". I reached out softly, grabbing her hand. "It's not your fault", I assured her, feeling my heart seem to break. She shook her head. "It's your father's fault. I know exactly who's fault it is, bastard", she muttered. I sighed, shaking my head.

"I'm fine", I assured her. My aunt stared at me, shaking her head. "Don't say that, I know you're not. You can't lie to me anymore. You need to... to express these things. You can't just decide when to take your life. I almost lost both my children last night", she expressed. I nodded, looking down. "You didn't though. If Daniel hadn't lost his mind, I would've been dead by now", I explained. My aunt shook her head, sighing. "I can't do this", she whispered. I stared at her, concern on my features. "You... you can't do what?" I asked, shaking my head. "I've been going through this my entire life. When I turned nineteen and you said I could move in. That was truly a blessing, but I can't just get over everything that happened. That stuff... it haunts me", I whispered. My aunt shook her head, sighing. 

"That is exactly why I can't handle this. I wish I could help you, but... I can't. Me and the nurse both decided that... that the best thing to do is... send you somewhere we can assure you'll get help", she whispered. I froze, staring at her. "Oh send me to a bunch of strangers, yes that's exactly what I need. That'll be the best help I've gotten in ages. Thanks so much", I replied sarcastically. My aunt was crying, as she shook her head. "I don't know what else to do. I've got to work constantly, Emma is a child, she certainly doesn't need to see you do something to yourself, so what am I to do?" she exploded. I sighed, staring at the ground. "So you're just going to send me away, thanks", I replied.

My aunt stared at me, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. What do you want me to do?", she asked. I felt tears stream from my eyes. I understood, and yet felt extremely broken. There was nothing that could be done about me. I was broken, and it's hard to fix something broken when you don't have the proper tools or parts. I needed some new parts. Parts that didn't exist after they were broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was kind of short, but this IS just the beginning. I hope you enjoyed, and I do plan to update pretty weekly or biweekly, it just sort of depends I guess. I might try to come up with an update schedule, I haven't decided, but I hope you enjoyed.


	2. Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just feel like this song is fitting to the character
> 
> Song: Nobody's Home  
> By: Avril Lavigne
> 
> https://youtu.be/0eLfvdeInFg

*3 months later*

  _I sat at the table, watching my dad as he poked at something on his work bench. I never understood why he had a fixation with working on his"creations", or so he called them. In reality, he just changed several things about these robots called androids, that came out about a year ago. I sighed, staring at my feet. "Can I go outside now?" I asked softly, hugging my knees tightly. I feared his very response. He exclaimed a few verbal curses, my name following, as he glared at me. I noticed his arm had started to bleed. I could see the fire in my dad's eyes, and I froze, my heart pounding. "What did I say about talking while I was working?" he asked, his voice sending a series of chills down my neck. "I-I'm sorry, It's just... you said I couldn't move. I don't understand why", I said softly._

_His glared seemed to pierce into me, as fire lit up in his eyes. "Because you're pathetic. You never understand anything. Go get me some bandages, or do you not understand that?" He asked, causing me to jump out of the chair, running to the bathroom. I tried to convince myself that it was going to be okay. That I wasn't pathetic. Dad's just upset. I shouldn't have spoken. I was bad. I wiped away my tears, as I opened the cabinets, searching for the bandages and alcohol. I should learn to be good. I ran grabbed the items I needed, running hastily back to my dad. "H-here... I'm sorry I was bad. I won't talk anymore", I apologized, as he ripped the items out of my hands. "You should learn to be faster, no wonder you do horrible in school", he growled. I winced at his tone, shaking my head. "I know", I replied weakly, bowing my head._

_I watched as he wrapped his arm up, then he turned his glare in my direction. He said my name as if it were bile rising in his throat. "You need to learn not to be so impatient. Don't worry, soon things will be fun. Soon. Soon you'll have some friends", he said, seeming to calm down. He let out a slight crazed chuckle, as he began working on the android once again. "Not alone anymore", he mumbled under his breath, smiling once again. "Everything's going to be fine. Maybe your new friends will help you understand. Help you not be so pathetic. Yes. I'm not doing good enough". He spoke as if I would be gaining a friend, but with each word that left his breath, it sent chills down my spine. He looked at me one last time, smiling. "Your twelfth birthday will be great. You don't have to be alone anymore"._

 I shook my head, sighing, as I moved the box that contained my clothing closer to the dresser. Finally, I was out of that place. I should've stayed longer, but thankfully I was always great at putting on an act. They truly believed I was healing. Of course, they didn't believe it enough for me to be home alone, so I was moved into my friend Allanoi's house. I wasn't ready to face Aunt Caroline. I had treated her coldly ever since that night at the hospital, and when she visited me in the institution I hadn't been to kind to her. I did miss Emma though. My aunt had said she wasn't doing to well, having to cope with her almost dying and her dad being dead. I would be quite relieved if my dad died, of course, Emma's dad was actually a good father.

   Allanoi walked into my room, knocking on the door, as she called out my name softly. I looked over at her, smiling back. I knew it was a pitiful excuse for a smile, but Allanoi seemed to have bought it, as she sat down beside me. "How are you getting settled in?" she asked. I paused, examining the carpet. It was soft, unlike the flooring in my "room". "It's nice, thanks so much for this, it means a lot", I replied, smiling at her. Allanoi had been my friend since I was thirteen, and she was the only one that knew of the many shadows that haunted my past, aside from the obviously abusive father. She had always defended me when kids would bully me at school. Before I met Allanoi, it was like I was walking on knives, each stabbing into me, and I constantly had to endure the pain. Then, when I met her, it was like I was pulled from the knives and onto the grassy path.

   Of course, the grassy path didn't last too long, when I turned eighteen, everything got worse. I shook my head, trying not to think about it, as I stared at Allanoi. She then spoke up, as if something had just come to mind. "Actually, I don't know if he ever visited you, but an android showed up at the hospital, that... that night. He said his name was Connor, and that he was sent by Cyberlife. He... he wanted to deliver us the information of finding... finding the pills. Apparently, he wanted to talk to you and ask you what you were doing with them. He also claimed you asked him to retrieve something before you had completely passed out". I stared at her, shaking my head. I asked him for something? I couldn't remember that. 

   "What did I ask him to retrieve?" I asked frantically. Allanoi walked over to a jewelry box on my dresser, opening it. "I was going to give it to you while you were away, but... you wouldn't have been able to have it in there", she said, placing a necklace in the palm of my hand. I felt my blood freeze, when I noticed which necklace it was. It was a lotus flower necklace, paired with a blue gem. It had been a gift from the only other one in my life that had cared about me before Aunt Caroline's family. "I know how much that means to you", Allanoi said softly. I gripped my hand tightly around the chain, holding back the tears that threatened to leak. "I... I thought I had lost it", I whispered, slowly uncurling my fist. Allanoi gave me a look of sympathy, as she squeezed my hand comfortingly. 

   "Do you want me to put it on?" she asked softly. I nodded, moving my hair to the side. (Or if you're like me and have short hair, then you can skip this step). I felt Allanoi's hands on the back of my neck, as she clamped the chain around it. I smiled, squeezing the lotus. " _The lotus signifies rising from a dark place into a form of beauty and rebirth, which is exactly how a lotus grows",_ a familiar voice rang in my ears. I was a lotus according to them. Oh how wrong they were. I smiled at Allanoi, hugging her tightly. "Thanks so much for this", I said softly. I hadn't even come close to rising from such a dark place. Allanoi stood up, smiling. "I've missed you. If you need anything, let me know, and I'm not allowed to leave you alone, so you're going to come to the police department with me tomorrow. I wake up at seven", she said, leaving. I sighed, leaning back on the bed. Great, a police department. JUST where I need to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter was just as enjoyable, and I wasn't planning on publishing this tonight, but I figured why the heck not, sense I have nothing better to do. Also, as you can tell I have switched my format style a bit. I didn't know Rich Text was a thing, because I'm a noob. But thanks for reading, and from here on out, it's going to be formatted like this.


	3. Tyler

    _Tyler._ I awoke, my heart pounding, as I stared at the ceiling. It was just a dream. I slowly sank into my pillows, catching my breath. I felt tears slowly build up in my eyes. I wished things could've been different. I looked at the bedside table, seeing it was five in the morning. "Great, so much for getting a decent sleep", I thought sarcastically. It was still the best sleep she'd had in three months. I slowly threw the blanket off, walking over to the dresser. I never finished sorting my clothes in the drawers. Carefully, I sat down, deciding to distract myself, or at least I attempted to. 

     _I stayed, huddled under the bathroom sink, feeling my whole body shaking violently. Since my twelfth birthday, I hadn't been able to get a decent sleep. There were multiple "friends", as my dad would call them, but they weren't friends. I hugged my knees tightly, crying softly. I had learned to keep quiet over time. I knew I would probably be found, but I had also learned that they couldn't reach me from where I sat. The cabinet I sat in was too small. I could barely fit, and I was getting aches just from having to crouch in a certain position. Aching was a much subtler pain than what they did to me though, so I stayed cramped._

_I heard the door open, and my whole body stiffened. Maybe they wouldn't look under here. Maybe I would be okay. I felt my heart shake inside of me, as I stared at the cabinet door in anticipation. Slowly, the door creaked open, and I saw the face of an android I hadn't seen before. I froze, staring at it. I began to sob as quietly as possible, when our eyes locked. He reached back, attempting to grab me, but he couldn't seem to reach. I silently muttered a thank you, happy my thoughts were right. The android tried to squirm through the door, but it couldn't seem to get through. It looked at me again, and it's eyes seemed to change._

_It stared at me, shaking his head. "Are you okay?" he asked me softly. I shrank back deeper into the sink, something poking at my back. I knew how this was. My dad often enjoyed playing tricks. The predator enjoys playing with it's prey before attacking it. Sadly, I was the prey. The android looked at me, seeming to understand... something. "I'm going to make sure the others don't find you", it whispered, backing out of the sink, as he closed the cabinet door. I stared at it, furrowing my brows. It was playing with me. It wasn't safe. It wanted me to think that. Some how my dad had managed to make these androids almost as horrible as him. I_ _heard the bathroom door close and the lock click, before I was enveloped in silence once again._

I had finished placing my clothes in the selected drawers, as I stared at the ground, tears slowly streaming down my cheeks. Someone then sat beside me, giving me a side hug. "Another nightmare?" Allanoi asked softly, staring at me. I had often gotten nightmares when I was away, and when Allanoi visited, I would be able to describe them vividly. She was always able to make me feel better. I shook my head softly. "No, reality", I responded softly. She hugged me even tighter, shaking her head. "Bastard", she muttered under her breath, and I sighed, hugging her back. I knew she was talking about my dad. I nodded, staring at the ground, fire in my eyes. If a stare could inflict damage, the floor would have a whole in it. "The biggest", I replied, sighing. "I just want it all to go away". 

   Allanoi nodded, slowly letting me go. "I wish it worked that way. I'm proud of you for trying to move on", she whispered. I felt a smirk toy at my lips. "You're always proud of me, even when I am in the wrong", I answered. She shook her head, laughing softly. "That girl in eighth grade deserved it. Damn right I'm going to be proud of a moment like that", Allanoi defended herself. "Bitch shouldn't have tried to take your candy", I smirked. That was one of the very FEW childhood memories that actually brought a smile to my face. "It's six in the morning, how did you know I was up?" I asked, turning my attention to Allanoi. She smiled, shaking her head. "Best friend powers, now get dressed, I'm taking you to the station in an hour, which gives you enough time to eat some breakfast and brew a pot of coffee", Allanoi replied, standing up. I shook my head, smiling at her.

   Allanoi is a horrible driver. I thought I was going to die several times in her car. When she finally parked, I wanted to choke the lights out of her. "You did that on purpose", I accused, shaking my head. "You could've gotten a ticket". Allanoi laughed, taking the key out of her car. She preferred to have a "real" car than a self driving car, claiming she didn't trust those damned things. "So? I got cash, since I don't buy into all this android and futuristic crap", she smirked. I shook my head, sighing. "And when your piece of crap car breaks down, I'm going to laugh", I teased. "And when YOUR self driving car goes wild and you crash into a building, expect an I told you so", she answered.

   I shook my head, sitting beside her at her desk. "Work's been so boring, nobody feels like breaking the law", Allanoi said, sounding quite bored. "Isn't that-", before I could finish, someone placed something on Allanoi's desk. "I want you to go through these files, they're extremely important", a guy demanded. "Who put you in charge Miller?" Allanoi asked. Miller laughed, shaking his head. "I don't take charge, I just do what Fowler asks me to", he replied, walking away. I stared at Allanoi, smirking. "Who's he?" I asked. Allanoi gave me a side ways glance. "Why? You interested, I can get his number", she smirked.

   I playfully pushed Allanoi, shaking my head. "No, but you're interested it seems", I smirked. Allanoi shook her head. "Okay, whatever you say", she replied, looking down. "I've got someone else on my mind". I stared at her, tilting my head. "Who?" I asked, staring at her. "My computer, the only love I need", Allanoi replied, playfully punching me. I shook my head, my gaze drifting, then it froze when I spotted the same android who had found me that tragic day three months ago. He was sitting in a chair, seeming to wait for someone. "Allanoi, did you ask him to come?" I asked, giving her a soft glare. Allanoi looked up, spotting Connor, as she laughed softly.

   "I wish. That would've been hilarious. Maybe he's on another mission. Why don't I call him over, let's see if he remembers you", Allanoi smirked, and before I could object, she was calling the Android's name, ushering him over. "Allanoi...", I hissed, but wasn't able to finish my sentence, as Connor walked over. "Yes Officer Grace?" Connor asked, staring at her. Allanoi smiled up at him, nodding her head. "My friend here wanted to thank you for saving her life and for retrieving her necklace. Go ahead... I need some coffee", Allanoi smirked, making my name sound a lot more sexual than it should have. I mentally flipped Allanoi off, staring at the ground. What the fuck do I say to an android?

   The android stared at me, his gaze seeming to pierce into me. He said my first and last name, his eyes seeming to drift across my features. "Hello", he greeted, smiling softly at me. "I am Connor, the android sent by Cyberlife". I smiled back, nodding. "It appears that necklace means a lot too you", he said, and I realized my hand was softly clasped around the lotus. I nodded softly. "It was given to me by... by someone special", I said, chewing my bottom lip. To say I was nervous was an under estimate. Then, he brought up the thing that made my heart shake. "Why did you try to take your own life that night?" Connor asked. I froze, staring down at the ground. 

   "I am sorry if I am intruding, but I know it takes a lot for someone to want to end their own life. I was just curious as to why? I know deviants commit suicide under high levels of stress. Are you stressed?" Connor seemed to be bouncing around from statement to statement, causing me to somewhat freeze up. Deviants? "No... no I'm not stressed... I would prefer not to talk about it", I replied, not meaning to sound so venomous. Connor nodded, then noticed a picture on Allanoi's desk. He carefully picked it up, and I froze. Why did Allanoi put that on her desk? "You look happy", he commented, setting the picture down. It was a picture of me on sitting on a swing, my mom pushing me. 

   "How old were you?" he asked softly. I felt as if the air had been sucked from my lungs. "Six", I whispered softly. Connor stared at me, something crossing his face. "I'm... I'm sorry for your loss", he said. I stared up at him. That was the final month I got to spend with my mom, before cancer took over. After all these damned years, still no cure for cancer. Bastards. "I often wonder what it'd be like to grow up with a mother", Connor said, staring at me. "It's... it's a blessing", I said softly, unable to say anything else. There was a comforting silence that fell between the two of us. "It was nice talking to you, but I must accompany Lieutenant Anderson, he has just entered", Connor said, smiling at me before walking away. I stared at the ground, my face heating up, as I shook my head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and it blows me away that after just two chapters, I have reached 200 hits. Thanks so much for this. I was unsure on whether or not to write, but you guys have given me hope. Thanks for reading this. I know it's starting off a little bumpy, but please bare with me as I navigate the waters of writing. xD


	4. Cat and Mouse

   I never could understand how I had managed to grasp everyone's attention. How I had managed to get people to even care about me. It's not as if I was worth caring for. I could feel the wheels constantly turning in my head, as I watched Connor give me small look before walking off. It made me freeze, as I stared down at the ground. Androids scared me. I felt a chill run down my spine, as I felt the ghost of a firm grip pulling on my waist. It was an unsettling memory, one that I hastily had to shake away. It was never enough for my dad. He wasn't a dangerous enough predator. Mouse and cat, an endless game, the mouse constantly being chased, until finally the cat had caught a hold of the mouse, watching it wiggle in its paws. Cats enjoyed knowing they had won.

    _I stared at my dad, shaking my head softly. "I'M NOT ENOUGH ANYMORE AM I?" he roared, his voice dripping with venom. I felt my whole body shaking, as my grip got tighter around the small beat up bear. I found myself paralyzed in fear. Sure this had happened many times, yet here I was still as scared as the first time. I heard my dad let out a slight laugh, shaking his head. "That's fine. It'll be fine. I don't have to search the house for you anymore. I know you don't like our games. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DON'T LIKE TO PLAY HIDE AND SEEK WITH ME!" he shouted, his voice sending chips of ice inside of me. He let out another shaky breath, laughing some more. "It's fine. They like hide and seek. They WILL find you". I felt the tears slowly run down my cheeks._

_I found myself unable to speak, as I stared at the ground. How come he was so angry? I missed my mom. "You have one minute", my dad said, his voice menacing. I paused, staring up at him, unsure what to say. I felt as though my voice was caught in my throat. "Wh-what?" I asked softly. I saw four people emerge out of the shadows, all having the same smile that sent chills running down my spine. They were all counting down in sync, already on fifty five. I slowly backed away, my heart pounding. My dad stared at me, smiling once again. "Hide little birdie, because we WILL find you", he growled. I quickly ran off, my heart pounding. Hide. Where? I had made it up stairs, but was unsure where to go from there. I searched around, shaking so intensely, I half expected the floor to start shaking with me._

_I quickly climbed into my room, moving my old dollhouse away from a wall. My mom had bought me the dollhouse years ago. Quickly, I hid in the hole, moving the dollhouse back. Mom and me had began working on a secret room for our secret missions years ago, but we never did finish it. It was the only place I could guarantee I wouldn't be found. My dad had tried to find me many times when I hid here, but he had never once discovered this room. I inhaled a deep breath, shaking my head repeatedly. "It's going to be okay", I thought to myself, huddling deeper in the corner of the room. I could hear footsteps, and my eyes were trained on the small "door" I had. It was old and just a piece of cardboard that could be moved to the side. I hugged tightly to my teddy bear, using it muffle my somewhat cries. Cries for a game that would last six years._

I shook my head softly, looking over at Allanoi who had been calling my name repeatedly. She sighed, staring at me. "Did it happen again?" she asked, looking worried. I paused, staring at her. "D-Did what happen?" I asked, trying to play innocent. Allanoi stared at me, her eyes seeming to burn into my skin. I sighed, backing down, as I stared at her. "It wasn't bad this time", I lied, wrapping my arms around myself. She said my name sternly, staring at me. I sighed, staring into her eyes. "If it was bad, I wouldn't have been able to zone back in", I replied. Allanoi seemed to relax, sighing. "Well, your aunt is coming to pick you up, apparently she doesn't feel as if you need to be here at the work station, because it might stress you out".

   I stared at her, shaking my head. "Are you serious?" I asked. Allanoi sighed, staring at me. "I think you need this. You don't know how much your aunt has missed you these past three months. You didn't see how she was  acting with you gone", she explained. I rolled my eyes. "Then she shouldn't have sent my away for three months", I said. Allanoi stared at me. "Please", she pleaded. I sighed in defeat, staring at her. "Fine... I need to use the bathroom", I said. Allanoi gave me a skeptical glance. "Don't send someone with me, god I would like to think I can pee in peace", I said defensively. Allanoi sighed, giving me a look. "I'm going to check on you if you don't return in five minutes", she challenged. I nodded, walking in the direction the restrooms were.

   When I saw Allanoi was focused on her computer, I hastily walked the opposite direction, heading to the front door. Someone stopped me on the way out, staring at me. "Aren't you supposed to be with Officer Grace?" he asked, narrowing his eyes. I exhaled, rolling my eyes. Time to put those drama classes from high school to use. That was the one class I actually could pay attention in. "Are you serious? You just put your hands on me. You know I could press charges. That is sexual assault. I was just trying to get someone from my car for Allanoi, and you're getting all grabby. I... I might need to go to Captain Fowler", I stated, staring up at him, my eyes widening in shock. The guy let go of my arm, staring at me. "Now hold on, that wasn't sexual-", I cut him off.

   "Did you grab me without my permission?" I challenged. The guy paused, seeming to squirm uncomfortably. "Exactly, now I need a smoke from all this", I replied, walking past him, as I breathed out a sigh of relief, but I also felt guilt. I noticed his name tag. "Sorry detective Reed", I muttered under my breath, walking outside. Thankfully, my aunt didn't seem to be anywhere near. I wasn't supposed to be left unattended, and I knew after this I was never going to be trusted again. I couldn't face my aunt now though. I needed some time to think. I sighed, staring at the ground. It was weird to be back, but nice to not have someone follow me for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. I closed my eyes, as tears slowly slipped down my eyes. 

   The tears started slipping faster, and I couldn't stop them. I settled on a bench, trying to stop the tears from pooling out. Everything was falling to pieces. Once a mirror is shattered, you can put the pieces back together, but it won't look the same. Once a heart is broken, it will never trust and love the same way as it once did. I will never be the same as I once was. I closed my eyes, sobbing softly. I just wanted it all to be over. It WAS all almost over. I wasn't sure why I had survived that night. As time went on, I realized my purpose here was non existent. I felt the hairs rise up of the back of neck as if someone was watching me. I looked around, but everyone seemed wrapped into their own reality, talking on cellphones, reading newspapers, or talking to the people around them.

   I shivered softly, staring at the ground. What a fucking day. I then heard someone calling out my name, as I scanned my surroundings once again. I couldn't pinpoint who was calling my name. I could recognize their voice, but I couldn't pinpoint who's voice it was. I stood up, shaking my head. If I could recognize their voice, clearly that's bad. I don't wish to talk to Allanoi or my aunt at all right now. I began walking away again, pulling a hood over my head. Perhaps then whoever had spotted me, wouldn't be able to recognize me. I sighed, shaking my head. Why me? That one question seemed to haunt me constantly. Why had he blamed me for her death? Why had everything I once cared about been ripped viciously from my hands. Why hadn't I been able to recover? 

   I felt a hand on my back, and I froze, not liking the grip they held on my shoulder. It send chills down my spine, because I had only felt this grip once. It used to send shivers down my spine. I felt my throat hitch. It was impossible. I felt my hand clasp over the lotus necklace, as I slowly turned around. I knew it wasn't possible, yet the hope that soared through my chest. When I turned though, my eyes weren't met with a pair of calming blue ones but soft brown ones. He tilted his head softly, as my name left his lips. "What are you doing out, I thought you weren't allowed to be alone?" Connor asked, his eyes seeming to focus on mine. I softly pushed his hand off my shoulder, my heart pounding. I felt myself freeze up, as I shook my head softly. 

   "Sorry", I apologized, adding. "I needed a break. I'll return to Allanoi soon enough. What about you? Aren't you supposed to be with Hank?" I asked, tilting my head. Connor stared at me, his smile seeming rather inviting. "I am supposed to accompany the Lieutenant at all times, but he made it rather clear that it was best I didn't follow him wherever he went. I think he might be irritated with me for chasing after two deviants, after he told me not to", Connor explained, looking confused. I nodded, shrugging. "Well, you enjoy your time without Hank, I'm going to just go for a walk, clear my mind", I replied, wishing I hadn't even asked. Connor stared at me. "What do you plan on doing?" he asked, causing me to stop walking. I sighed.

   "I don't know", I replied, rolling my eyes. Connor didn't seem at all affected by my hostility, as he kept his gaze trained on me. "Since I have nothing better to do, why don't I accompany you?" he asked. I shook my head, laughing. "How about no", I replied. Connor stared at me, his LED switched yellow for a second, then he nodded. "Thank you for allowing me to accompany you, now let's go", he smiled, standing beside me. I stared at him, shock taking over my face. "Is there something wrong with any of your parts?" I asked, staring at him. Connor shook his head. "No, I would receive an error notice if so, why?" he asked. "Okay, so I know you heard me me say no, I don't wish to accompanied by you", I explained. Connor nodded. "I did, but I can't go against my programming", he explained. I stared at him, confused.

   "You're programmed to listen to Lieutenant Anderson", I said. Connor nodded. "And I am just doing as the Lieutenant asked", he replied. I rolled my eyes, throwing my head back. Of course Allanoi had noticed I was gone. She seriously asked Hank to get this robot to follow me? "Office Grace put Hank up to this didn't she?" I challenged. Connor winked at me, smiling, causing me to freeze. "She said you were smart, but I didn't expect you to piece everything together. Excuse me while I message her", he said, his LED turning yellow, once again. I felt stunned, as I stared at Connor. He had winked at me. What was that all about? Connor then turned back to me, his LED returning to a blue, as he pulled out a coin, beginning to flick it between his two hands. "Where are we going?" Connor asked. I just stared at him, tilting my head. What?


	5. Not Feeling Enough

   "Why did you leave the station?" Connor asked me, tilting his head. He reminded me of an innocent puppy, yet he wasn't adoring at all. Just, curious. Which got quite irritating. Connor had been spewing out questions ever since he joined me in my walk. "Because I could", I replied, kicking a pebble. No way was I fixing to talk to some random android about my feelings. "You seem angered, and somewhat tense", Connor said softly, staring at me. I shrugged. "Got a lot of anger", I replied, crossing my arms. Connor stared at me, his eyes furrowing in confusion. "I just don't get it", he whispered, but it was loud enough for me to hear. I turned around, staring at him. "Get what?" I asked, tapping my foot somewhat impatiently. 

   "You seem to have so many people around you that truly care for you, and yet you act as if you're all alone. Your aunt loved you, and you tried to leave her", he explained, eyes narrowing in confusion, as his LED lit up a vibrant yellow. I shrugged, staring at him. "You don't get it, and you never will, because I don't want you to", I snapped. Connor seemed unaffected by my hostility once again. "Is there any particular reason you despise me?" he asked, staring at me. "I never claimed I despised you. I just don't feel like talking to you about anything. I spent three months being questioned. It's not like I'm a murderer, I don't need to be questioned. I'm not one of your little deviants Connor", I spat, giving him a hard glare. 

   For once he actually looked somewhat effected by my words. "Forgive me. I...I didn't mean to make you feel that way. It just intrigues me. You fascinate me", he explained, staring at me. I froze, feeling the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.  _You fascinate me._ I stared at him, shaking my head. "No, no you don't get to compliment me and make me... make me feel as though I HAVE to open up to you", I said sharply. Connor stared at me, clearly puzzled by my statement. "Complimented you? I wasn't trying to make you feel anything. I find humans to be rather interesting. I wasn't trying to make you feel anything". The way he said it was smug, almost like...he was rubbing it in. Connor's face seemed to hold no expression though.

   I huffed out an angered sigh, glaring at him. "Just stop with the whole,  _Humans interest me_ bull shit. You happen to enjoy irritating me. I can see it on your smug face", I exclaimed, glaring at him. Connor stared at me, looking confused. Looks can be deceiving. "Alright", he said softly, keeping on the same perplexed look on his face, as he seemed to stare a hole into me. I felt my eyes begin to water, as I stared at the ground. "I'm sorry", I apologized softly, settling down on a park bench. "Maybe you don't mean anything, and I'm imagining all of... this. It's just... I had known an android who would do the same crap to me. Always a smug look on his face, and he'd always be able to make me angry, yet there was no one I was more closer to than him", I explained softly, sighing.

   Connor settled on the bench beside me, nodding. "I thought you said you didn't feel like talking with me about anything", he asked. I could tell he wasn't being a smart ass, he was being quite literal. I shrugged. "It's best you learn this now, I don't ever mean what I say half the time. Quite the opposite in fact", I explained. Connor's LED turned yellow, as he observed my face. "I know it doesn't make any sense, but I have never made sense in my life. Why start now?" I laughed softly, and it made my chest feel hollow and empty. I hadn't known that Connor wasn't confused by my words, but storing them into his internal storage, hoping to remember every word I said. I sighed, staring at the ground. "Thanks for talking to me", Connor said, staring at me. I nodded, sighing. "Sometimes it's nice to get things off your chest".

   I walked through the doors of the police station, sighing. It wasn't that I WANTED to return, but I knew eventually I'd have to face Allanoi. Connor had gone to get Hank, his partner, not long after our talk. I sighed, staring at the ground. Me and androids together was always a bad combination. I noticed the detective I had guilt tripped before leaving the building, feeling my heart begin to pound. "Oh shut up Gavin, she clearly needed time to herself", I heard Allanoi's voice ring, and when I rounded the corner, I spotted Allanoi, inches from Gavin's face. "If I were you I'd watch myself, you're just a small officer, someone we could afford to loose", the detective snapped back. "And that new android could just as easily replace you, he's already a much better detective, especially after what happened his first night on the job", Allanoi smirked.

   I slowly stepped out of my "hiding spot", clearing my throat. "Good to see you both again", I greeted, smiling. Gavin glared at me. "I can't believe you", he growled. I shrugged. "Next time don't get in my way", I snapped, settling in the chair beside Allanoi's desk. "Why the fuck did you leave?" Allanoi asked, her eyes narrowing into slits, as her stare burned my skin. "I can't deal with my aunt right now", I replied. "You do realize now, I'm going to have someone accompany you when you go to the bathroom, just to make sure that's exactly what you're doing", she snapped. I shrugged. "It was worth it, I needed that break", I replied, sighing. "And besides, nobody is following me anywhere, if I don't want them to". Allanoi rolled her eyes at me.

   "You know what my first thought was? I thought you snapped and walked outside wanting to get hit by a car or jump off a building", she exclaimed, her eyes filled with worry and pain. I sighed, staring at the ground. "I'm sorry Allanoi, but you don't have to worry, seriously, I haven't thought about that in... in awhile", I whispered. The whole room filled with silence, making me feel more empty inside than I felt. It was as if I was nothing but a husk of somebody who was once here, who was once genuinely happy. I knew there was nothing to feel. If I felt nothing, I wouldn't have to care about what happened. I wouldn't have to mourn. It was as if every breath of air I inhaled was toxic and seemed to only corrupt my lungs, causing me to slowly shut down.

   I seemed to drift back into reality, still being forced to take in all the poison once again. Unfortunately, my lungs seemed to be made of steel, but my heart wasn't. So every breath stabbed into my chest, impaling it, as I was forced to re-experience every single heart shattering moment I have witnessed. There was no pure air. Just toxic waste. "Emma misses you", Allanoi said, as I kept my gaze settled on the floor. Her words seemed to pierce my heart, causing me to inhale another breath of the impure air. Guilt seemed to weigh me down. I had missed Emma. I felt a lump slowly form in my throat, the words getting caught. Of course they'd use her as a guilt trip mechanism. I slowly looked up, sighing. "Fine, I'll go see my aunt", I caved, shaking my head.

   Allanoi was the one to drive me, claiming I was in no position to even rent a taxi. I gazed out the window, the world passing by in a blur. That was how fast everything seemed to change for me. One second, I was feeling safe and secure, the next, it was as if I was being hunted all over again. I knew deep down, I would never be okay. I was like a broken vase. Only difference is, I COULDN'T be glued back together. You can't fix something that is broken beyond repair. Once that happens, people throw out the broken things. There's no point in keeping something that won't work. I stepped out of the car, sighing, as I stared at the building in front of me. I felt my heart hammer against my chest, as I stared at the door, approaching it.     


	6. The purest wolf

   Sometimes I feel like someone else is writing each "chapter" to my life. Almost as if I have multiple authors. I felt as though I could completely shove away all my thoughts and feel numb some days, and other days it was as if there was a constant hovering storm cloud chasing me down. Staring at the door, as I waited for the elevator to come to a halt. I felt as if someone had reached down into my chest and ripped every ounce of breath I had. When I heard the ding from reaching the floor, I felt my knees want to buckle. I didn't want to have to face my aunt, after shoving her away for so long. She had ripped my heart out, and yet she was the one that had slowly filled it back up when it was torn the first time. My aunt was the mom that was ripped from my arms. Which is why I KNEW I had to let her know I forgave her. 

   When the door opened, I shuffled back slightly in surprise. It started out as a crack, but it slowly opened fully. When I saw my aunt's face, I could tell that a lot could change in the span of three months. My aunt had looked pretty shaken up, her hair was somewhat neatly put in a bun, with a few rebellious strands of hair poking out. Her eyes were bloodshot red, and she looked disheveled when her eyes landed on me. Caroline croaked out my name, as if it physically hurt to jump out of her throat. Her hand then went to her mouth, and he eyes began to glass over, making her look even more broken. I felt guilt submerge me, as I stared into her broken eyes. Eyes were the pathway to someone's thoughts. From her eyes, I could see that these three months had been hell for her.

   As aunt Caroline stared at me in shock, I slowly walked forward, regathering my breath and strength, as I wrapped my arms around her neck. "Hello Aunt Caroline", I said softly, feeling tears run down my own cheeks. She instantly hugged me back, and I could feel her crying in my shoulder. Caroline slowly pulled away from me, wiping away her own tears. "Please don't hate me", she whispered, her words like barbed wire, cutting deep into my chest, seeming to wrap around my heart. I shook my head softly, staring at her. "I could never hate you", I whispered back, sighing. "I know why you did what you did, I was just... mad". She sighed softly, sniffling, as the tears still slowly ran down her cheeks. "I know. I'm so sorry, I... I didn't know what else to do...I... Emma wouldn't even talk to me", she rambled. 

   I stared at my aunt, sighing. "I'm so sorry. You lost your husband... Emma lost her dad... anything you need, I'm here", I whispered softly. Aunt Caroline shook her head, sighing. "I think you should talk to Emma. She's... she's missed you", she whispered. I nodded, walking past my aunt, as I headed to Emma's room. The apartment hadn't changed much over the last three months. Emma was sitting down at her desk, headphones in, as she was staring down. I slowly walked over, putting my hand on he shoulder. She jumped softly at my touch, throwing my hand off, but when she looked up and spotted me, her eyes lit up. Emma called out my name, as she excitedly wrapped her arms around my waist, tears slowly pooling out her eyes as well. It made my chest ache. You never realize what your actions do to people, until you witness the aftermath.

   "Mom didn't tell me you were back", She exclaimed, pulling out her headphones. "She wanted it to be a surprise, I missed you bug", I replied, slowly loosening my grip. "And it appears you've gotten a little taller since I last saw you". Emma smiled up at me. "Yea, I think I've grown a full four inches", she remarked proudly. I smiled, staring at her desk. I noticed she was watching a video on her tablet. "What were you watching?" I asked softly, hoping I wasn't intruding. I knew how it felt for people to ask pressing questions. Emma looked up at me, sighing. "It was a video of me and Daniel. I don't get it. He was so happy... we were so close", she sighed softly, her face twisting in a mix between confusion and sorrow. "And... how could he...", Emma stopped, staring at the ground.

   I sighed, staring at her. "He was broken... he thought we didn't want him anymore... he thought you stopped caring, because he was going to replaced", I explained, sighing. Emma looked up at me, shaking her head. "I know why, but what I mean is... I don't know. It's weird", Emma whispered. I nodded softly, not entirely understanding what she meant. "More things like that are happening", I said softly, sitting down on her floor. Emma sat down in front of me, sighing. Then, she looked at me, a small frown pulling at her mouth. "I hope you don't mind, but when you first left I went through your things. Mom asked me not to, but I... I HAD to know why you wanted to leave us. I found a letter from someone. Did you try to leave because of Tyler?" she asked softly. 

   I felt myself choke up, as if someone had punched me in the gut. I couldn't find the words to say. I stared at her, shaking my head softly, trying to clear it. "He said he had to go. Did he leave you?" Emma questioned, her eyebrows knitting together. "I'm sorry if I'm intruding, but I just want to know. I want to understand you", she continued. I sighed, finally seeming to find my breath. I felt my hand automatically go to the necklace around my neck, my hand clasping it gently. "Tyler... Tyler was someone special to me, and one day when I have more time, I'll have to tell you more about him, but no Tyler didn't leave me. I... I left him", I whispered. Emma stared at me, confusion apparent in her eyes. "But... but the letter", she countered, tilting her head.

   I smiled at her softly, sighing. "He was saying goodbye", I replied. Emma sighed, staring up at me. "He said he loved you", she whispered. I stared at the ground, sighing. "I know he did, but he HAD to say goodbye. He...", I found myself unable to speak, as I shook my head. "I'm okay now, I will never leave you", I promised softly, wrapping Emma in a tight hug. Emma stared up at me, nodding. "Good, because I can't loose anybody else", she said softly. I nodded, sighing. "Me either buddy, us girls have to stick together", I mumbled, hugging her a little more tightly. Emma sighed, laying her head on my shoulder. "I found a poem in your things to, I hope you don't mind me keeping it", Emma said softly. I shrugged. "Go ahead, which one is it?" I asked softly. Emma walked over, grabbing a sheet of paper, showing it to me. I took up the sheet of paper, slowly reading, as I felt a clamp at my heart from each word. 

The two

_Preying from deep inside,_

_that is where these wolves hide._

_Circling one another,_

_each shade of red a different color._

_Blood is meant to be spilled,_

_one wolf being killed._

_The purest white,_

_now a deep crimson._

_Things have changed,_

_the feeling being ranged._

_Everything is pushed aside,_

_because the purest wolf_ _now lives a lie._

"You wrote that poem didn't you?" Emma asked. I felt my eyes water, as I handed the paper back. You could tell that was my hand writing. I nodded softly, looking away. "You're the pure wolf, who murdered her feelings, because you don't want to feel anything ever again", she whispered. I found myself quite surprised that Emma had been able to read into the poem and understand what it meant. I sighed, staring at her. "No it was a wolf fighting another", I lied. Emma sighed, staring at me. "These past three months have been awful", Emma whispered. I reached over, grabbing her hand softly. "I can only imagine, after my mom died, everything changed. You're strong though Emma. If I could get through everything, I am a thousand percent sure that everything will be okay. I will be here for you whenever you need me", I promised.

   Emma stared up at me, smiling softly. "You don't want to go anymore?" she asked softly, her eyes watering. I shook my head, staring back at her. "I don't want to go anymore, I want you to... to be happy", I whispered softly. Emma wiped at her eyes, smiling. "I'm going to be happy", she promised. I slowly stood up, kissing her on the head. "I have to go, but I love you Emma, and if you NEED anything at all, you tell Aunt Caroline that you want to call me", I said. Emma nodded, smiling at me. "I know", she replied, saying goodbye, as I slowly walked out her room, carefully closing her door. I heard Aunt Caroline approach me, her feet clicking on the floor. When I turned around, she was staring at me with hope in her eyes.

   "Emma's going to be alright, she might just distance herself a little. Just... talk to her, make sure she knows you're there for her, that you LOVE her", I said, adding, "She opens up quite a bit". I saw my aunt breath out a sigh of relief, smiling at me. "Thanks so much", she whispered. I smiled sadly at the ground. "I don't need you to thank me, I just want Emma to be okay", I replied. "You being back is helping her with that", she assured me. I nodded softly, unsure what else to do, as I softly hugged her. "I'm heading out, goodbye Aunt Caroline". She hugged me back, nodding softly. "Come back ANY time", she said softly. I nodded, slowly breaking away from her. "If Emma needs anything, tell her to call me", I said, before walking towards the door, as I waited for the elevator to open.


	7. Carl Manfred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of updates, it's been a crazy past few days, still squeezed in time for an update though.

    _I tilted my head staring at the opened door, as an android stared back at me, not moving. I had stayed hidden in the small "secret room" behind the dollhouse most of the day, and nobody had found me, until this specific android popped in. I hadn't learned it's name, mostly because I didn't entirely care. The android claimed it was no threat, and it didn't want to hurt me, but I trusted no one. My father used to use very similar techniques. The android sighed, staring at me. "Listen, I don't mean to hurt you at all, please just take this", it tried to urge, as it pushed an apple my way. I shook my head, scared to touch it. My father used food to lure me out often, and slowly this mouse became smarter. I learned to avoid the cheese on the trap._

_"You need to eat", the android urged, as I shook my head. "I know you... the second I grab that apple, you're going to grab me", I replied. It stared down at the apple, then it's LED switched to a dull yellow, as the android slowly reached out it's arm, picking the apple up. It's blue eyes scanned over the red object. Sighing, the android rolled it across the floor, as it hit my foot. "If I wanted to hurt you, I'd already have climbed in there, I'm trying to help you", it said, it's blue eyes seeming to shine. The android didn't look at all human, it's eyes seeming too unrealistic and it's skin looked more like leather. It was somewhat unsettling staring at the android. Slowly, I reached down, picking up the apple, as I turned it in my hand. It only seemed to be a little dirty from sliding across the floor. I stared up at the android, as it searched the room. "Do you have a clock in here?" it asked, looking around._

_"T-top shelf", I muttered, rubbing the apple on my shirt, making it back to a vibrant red color. "Why?" I asked softly, as I bit into the apple, smiling at the flavor, as I hastily took another. It was the most delicious thing I had eaten in weeks, as I was used to stale bread and occasionally a few vegetables. "The others will start looking for me soon, if I stay too long", the android replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I finished the apple rather quickly, slowly crawling out of the room, as I placed the apple core in a wastebasket. I let out a soft Oh, unsure what else to say. It turned to look at me, smiling softly. "Look who's out", the android said, causing me to slowly creep back towards the door. It gave me one last reassuring look, sighing._

_"If I was going to hurt you, I would have already done it. After he reprogrammed me, I could... could sense that what he wanted me to do was... was wrong". The android's face twisted into a confused and disgusted look. "I thought you guys were required to do as you were programmed and told to do", I said, tilting my head in confusion. The android flashed me a small smile, laughing. "Well, I'm special", he retorted. I tilted my head, shaking it softly. "No, I don't see anything special about you", I said softly. The android shook it's head, smiling at me once again. "You must be blind", he smirked, as I shook my head. His eye's darted back to the clock, as he shook his head. "I have to go, but I'll be back", he said. I stared at him, shaking my head, questions swarming me, but only one came out. "What's your name?". The android seemed to chuckle somewhat, shrugging._

_"I wasn't given a name", he replied adding,"You can call me whatever you wish". I smiled, nodding. I scanned my bookshelf, my mind going back to a story I had read. A boy was named Tyler, and the name Tyler had meant longing for adventure. "Tyler", I smirked, as he nodded, laughing at my the name. "Then I'm Tyler", he said, smiling, as he slowly walked away, locking the door. "Climb back behind that dollhouse, the others don't seem to know that there's a room behind there", he said, before disappearing. I stared back at the wastebasket, reminding me of how hungry I was, as I hastily climbed back into my "room", moving the dollhouse and cardboard door back into place._

I sat in the passenger seat of Allanoi's car, feeling extremely empty as we drove off. Before, I had always told myself I had no purpose, now I had to stay alive. I had to be there for Emma. The very thought seemed to burn a hole inside me, making me somewhat sad. I stared out the window, watching as I saw blurs of greens from the trees. "So... Carl asked about you", Allanoi began, trying to make conversation. I felt my whole body freeze. "I... I haven't heard from him... in... in awhile", I whispered, then looked to her. "When did you hear from him?" I questioned. Allanoi stared at me, sighing. "Leo was brought in to the emergency room today, and two police were talking about how he had seemed to hit his head after being pushed down by an android, so I decided to call the man and see how he was", she replied.

   "How is my pigheaded cousin Leo? Should I visit him?" I asked, turning to Allanoi. Allanoi rolled her eyes, letting out a somewhat annoyed snort. "Please, Leo probably deserved that, I get he's your cousin and everything, but I also overheard the cops saying that the doctors had found traces of red ice in his system again", she replied. I sighed, shaking my head softly. "He was such a good kid", I said softly. "You only knew him when he was like seven, and that was the last you saw of him after your mother passed", Allanoi replied, shaking her head. "He was an AWFUL kid in high school, after you dropped out". I was unsure what to say. "What about Carl, how's he doing?" I asked softly. Carl was my father's older brother, whereas Caroline was my mom's younger sister. Sometimes I found it hard to think Carl and my dad were brothers.

   "He was pretty distraught about his android having to leave, but he seems to be doing better. Like I said, you should probably visit him soon. I groaned softly, not meaning to sound rude. I hadn't seen Carl in a LONG time, and one family reunion was enough. "I always thought he strongly disliked me, after I moved in with aunt Caroline", I sighed. "I would've disliked you, how could you choose your aunt over CARL", Allanoi teased, smiling softly. I sighed, shrugging. "How long has it even been", she asked. I pinched my brow, trying to think. "Shit... I haven't seen him since I was... nineteen, and that was to thank him for offering me a place to stay. I felt bad having to inform him that I was staying with my aunt", I said softly.

   Allanoi laughed, smiling at me. "You really haven't visited him for five years, because you thought he was mad at you, jeez, you know that man loves you", she replied. I stared at her, sighing. "Yea, I just... I didn't want to get attached to another person, just to leave them", I said softly. Allanoi sighed in frustration, shaking her head. "Stop. You're not going anywhere, I thought you were feeling better", she said annoyed. I shook my head, faking a smile, that looked genuine. "Of course I'm feeling better, I'm just saying, at the time I wasn't", I replied. Allanoi kept her eyes on the road, sighing. "So, when do you plan on seeing the old man?" she asked. I smiled softly, caving in. "You know where he lives, go on", I said, as Allanoi smirked at me, turning her car around. "He's going to be really happy to see you".

   Allanoi pulled into the driveway, and I noticed the sun was going down softly. "Isn't it a little late, I don't want to keep him up all night", I said softly, squirming somewhat in the seat. Allanoi sighed, staring at me. "Quite making excuses and go in there. Carl will be happy to see you", she assured. I sighed, shaking my head softly. "I know, but... his son's in the hospital. I don't want to put too much excitement on him", I replied. Allanoi gave me a stern look, sighing, as she said my name softly. "Carl has been waiting to see you. I visited him while you were away, and he said it broke his heart knowing he couldn't see what you were going through. He hated the fact that you were away getting better". I sighed, feeling my stomach clench up. I carefully opened the car door, sighing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know deviancy wasn't really a "Thing" until 2038, but I shall explain how so in here. Androids obviously have the power to deviate, but I thought a cool concept would be that maybe before 2038, deviants just weren't as popular. I want to say more, but I don't want to spoil anything, so all I'm going to say is deviancy was a LITTLE different when the reader was a kid. I am sorry if that doesn't make sense, because I don't want to spoil anything, but later on in the story, small things will click. I'll make hints at things, and if you piece things together, great. But eventually in the story you'll learn and I can explain a little better.


	8. Empty Reflection

   As I stood outside of the door, gazing at it, it made a slight clicking sound, then the door opened, saying my name in greetings, welcoming me in. I felt my heart give a little flutter, as I slowly made my way through the doorway. He had kept me in the system. I felt a smile slowly form on my lips, as the door closed softly behind me, making little to no noise. The house was just as I had remembered it, elegant and homey. I had always felt a sense of comfort from the house. I half expected Markus to appear in a matter of seconds to take my coat, when I remembered he wouldn't be here anymore. The small thought sent a slight tug at my heart. I had only known him for a few months, but Markus was always respectful and kind. He intrigued me.

   I cleared my throat, making my way to the stairs. It was late, so I wondered if he was already in bed. I looked at the end of the staircase, seeing the wheelchair lifting mechanism at the bottom of the stairs. Carl was still down here. I backed away slowly, passing a small side table, which held a box of Bellini paints on it. I stared at the mirror hanging above the table, looking over my face. It was the first time in awhile I had seen an empty reflection staring back at me. The reflection looked like it was close to giving up, tattered and broken. I sighed, looking away, the image breaking me. It reminded me too much of who I was. Who I am. I wanted to get better, or so I told myself. I knew there was no getting better. I walked past the table, and past the android birds, as the door to the living room slid to the side, allowing me to enter.

   The room never ceased to amaze me with all of the grand decorations, it was a beautifully decorated house. Then, my gaze landed on the wheelchair, as he stared out the window, his voice slowly speaking, as he called out my name. "How long has it been? You know, I was thinking I might have to come to you, since you seem to be avoiding me", Carl greeted, slowly backing up his wheelchair. When I saw his face, it made my chest ache. He looked tired, as if he had been crying. "I wasn't... I wasn't avoiding you, I just...", I couldn't find the words, as I fiddled with my hands. Carl let out a sarcastic scoff, shaking his head. "Just what? You don't have to lie to me, I understand your reasoning, you had gotten pretty close to Emma, Leo was coming in and out, slowly loosing his mind", he began, smiling at me.

   I the dull ache in my heart only seemed to slightly intensify at his words, as Carl wheeled over to his alcohol cart. "It's been five years, I thought you might've forgotten about me", he finished, pouring scotch into a glass. I laughed softly at his words, but it was halfheartedly. "You? Forget? Never thought I'd hear those two words used together in the same sentence", I teased, as Carl took a small sip from the glass. He sighed, staring at me, as he shook his head. "Good to see the only thing you inherited from that father of yours was his humor", he responded dryly. My heart seemed to tear at the words, as I stared at the ground, sighing. My father was never a humorous man, from what I experienced. Carl seemed to read my mind, as he shook his head. "Your father was not the same younger brother I grew up with", Carl claimed.

   I sighed softly, settling down on a couch, as I shook my head. "I... I know", I found myself whispering, as I buried my face in my hands. When I was little, Carl used to show me photo albums all the time of my father and him. They were so close at one point. Carl's wheelchair slid across the floor, as he rolled towards me. "You look so much like your mother", he commented, as I slowly lifted my head. I shook my head, sighing. "Which is the exact reason why my father hated me", I whispered. Carl examined his glass, slamming it down. The noise sent chills down my spine, and they caused me to look up. "Don't say that. Your father didn't hate you", he said sharply, adding, "Don't you ever feel as though you weren't meant to be here. You father was a very shallow and angry person. He had no where to release this pain and anger, so he took it out on you".

   "Not that he was in the right, sorry excuse for a man", he finished. I sighed, shaking my head. My uncle had always been rather firm about the fact that I was important and that i was meant to be here. I guess he thought he could convince me so. Everything I had heard from my dad growing up, I had heard the exact opposite from Carl. "Your dad's very lucky none of us knew what went on until you moved out, otherwise I don't think that man would be alive", Carl said bitterly. Carl was always someone who had such hope and love for life. He always tried to see the best in people. Which is why I was so shocked at his statement. "Coward, ran because he knew he could no longer control you", Carl spat. I sighed, shaking my head.

   When I had first told my uncle about the house of horrors, he was beyond angered and sickened. He had called the cops, but by the time they had gotten to the house, my dad was gone. I had no idea where he was, and I was thankful not to know. Carl seemed to think there was an ulterior motive to everything, but after five years, I had started to calm down. Of course, I didn't plan to see another year, but nothing generally goes to plan. "I wish I could've gotten out sooner", I whispered. Carl sighed, staring up at one of his paintings that hung in the room. "Sometimes, we are faced with certain paths of our life to teach us lessons. Lessons we will NEED. Lessons that help us grow. You came forward eventually, and told everyone what kind of world you had been living in. The old you would've never had the courage to do that", he said.

   Carl was always spewing out random wisdom crap that I never could make sense of. I knew what he was saying, and yet it made no sense. "Yea, but that had nothing to do with growth, it had to do with the fact that I could no longer hold everything in. I was breaking by the second", I responded. Carl turned his wheelchair towards me, as sigh leaving his breath. "You just don't get it. Just, keep those words close, and when the time comes, you'll understand every single word", he said, the he turned back around, rolling into a small area in the corner of the room. "I painted something while you were away", his voice came, as he appeared back in my line of sight. He held a medium sized canvas, and smiled up at me. "You inspired me", Carl said, handing me the canvas. 

   It was a painting of a blue face, shadows seeming to take over half of the face, and the eyes looked terrified. Everything about the painting sent a chill down my spine. What distinctly stood out was the lotus flower necklace, draped around the paintings neck. I had been wearing it the last time I had spoken to Carl. The image made me feel as though I was back in the cold house I had been living in a majority of my life. There was nothing light in the photo, as it was covered in various dark blues and blacks. I let out a shaky breath, as Carl stared at me, a lingering sadness in his eyes. "Keep it, Markus claimed that I needed to give it to you", he said, turning his wheel chair around once again, as he started to wheel away. "I'm tired anyway, the door will lock up when you leave", he called out, leaving the room. I clutched the canvas tightly, looking back down at the mirroring image of myself. It was another broken and empty reflection. Was this really how people saw me?

   I walked out the car, slamming the door, as I grabbed the canvas from the back. "Carl is an amazing artist", Allanoi exclaimed, her eyes seeming to scan the painting. I nodded, walking towards the door. "I don't understand why he chose me to be his muse, because this painting is brutal", I replied. "Yea, but he captured you perfectly, and Carl was basing that off of a younger version of yourself", Allanoi pointed out, being marveled by the fact. Maybe I didn't feel comfort in the painting, because it showed the truth of who I really was. How I really felt. I sighed, tearing my gaze from the image. I couldn't stand staring at such a disheveled and dismantled version of myself. I could barely tolerate the real me, now I had this image mocking me. I sighed, walking inside with Allanoi. 


	9. Lost

   I had slowly walked into "my bedroom", setting the canvas down delicately against the wall. As painful as the piece was, it brought on a sense of lightness to it. Almost like, it was a sense that I wasn't alone. I sighed, scanning my room. Allanoi had went to take a shower, and I was left to entertain myself. I walked over, scanning the bookshelves, as I slowly reached up, not quite tall enough to grab it. Someone reached out, grabbing the book for me. I froze, noticing the arm. "Connor! How the hell did you get in here! What the hell are you doing here!" I exclaimed, staring at him. I wasn't at all up for company, and after everything I had recently told Connor, I didn't want to talk to him at all. He gave me a soft smile. Facial expressions weren't Cyberlife's strongest suite. 

   "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you, Office Grace told me I could just come in when I arrived. I told her it was urgent, and that I needed to talk to you. I assume you were fixing to read", he explained, handing the book to me. I softly grabbed the cover, as Connor scanned the book. "The Giver", he said softly to himself. I put the book on a lower shelf, sighing. "You wanted to talk, reading can wait", I said sharply, staring boldly at Connor. I wasn't going to fold like paper around him this time. I was going to keep my cement walls up. You don't go around opening up to random strangers, and Connor was no different. Connor was just an android. "Right, of course, clearly you're not in the mood for small talk", Connor said softly, moving away from the bookshelf. "You might want to sit down", he said calmly.

   I felt my heart seem to jump, as I stared at Connor, concern on my face. "What? Why? Did something bad happen?" I panicked, as I walked after him, settling down on the couch. Connor stared at me, his brown eyes showing no emotion.  _Damn androids._ Connor shook his head softly, sighing. "No, nothing like that", he assured me. I found myself even more confused. "What? Then why'd you tell me to sit down?" I asked, slightly irritated. Connor seemed to hesitate at first, his LED slowly turning, as it remained the bright yellow color. "I mean, it has nothing to do with my mission, so I'm unsure if I can speak of it", he began, then he stared into my eyes, his gaze steady. "I can't stop thinking about that night I found you. I've tried so hard to find out as much as I can, but it appears even my technology has limits. I wish to understand why you wished to die. I can't wrap such a fact around my systems. I've tried to come up with several outcomes, but none of which made too much sense".

   I shook my head, letting out an angry huff. "Seriously Connor?!?!", I exclaimed, crossing my arms. Connor looked at me, tilting his head like a lost puppy. As if he couldn't understand what he had done wrong. "I have made you upset. I'm sorry", he apologized, looking down. "I just want to understand you better". "Why?" I asked bitterly, venom dripping from my voice. Connor stared at me, his LED not even bothering to turn yellow, as it hastily switched over to red. Like he was in danger. His brow furrowed, as he seemed to stare off in the distance.  _Why_ _?_ Connor then stared up at me, his eyes seeming to erupt with emotion. The most distinguished emotion was confusion. "I... I don't know. You fascinate me", he explained, seeming to settle on his answer, as his LED switched back to the playful blue.

   I sighed, shaking my head. "Well, I will continue to fascinate you, as you wonder, because I think it's time for you to go", I replied, standing up. Connor stared at me. "Please", his voice seemed to crack, and he seemed unsure as to why the word had come out. I felt my whole body freeze, as I stared at the ground. "Dammit", I muttered, sighing. "I won't ask you anything else, just... let me stay", he pleaded softly. I sighed, shaking my head. _Here you go, taking sympathy on an android once again_. I slowly exhaled, sitting back down. "One night", I informed, shaking my head softly. Connor nodded, staring at me. "Where's Hank?" I asked, as Connor stared at me. "I made sure he got home safely. I told him I needed to take a moment, and then I left", he explained. I stared at the ceiling shaking my head. This was going to be a long fucking night.

   I sat on the couch, holding the book firmly in my hands, as I read. Connor sat beside me, and I felt his presence behind my shoulder, as he stared at the book. I flipped the page, when Connor spoke up, catching me off guard. "I wasn't finished with that page", he said, his brow furrowing in confusion. I sighed, flipping the page back. "Would you like me to read it aloud, instead of having to flip back every page", I asked, staring at him. Connor looked back at me, nodding somewhat. "I'm really intrigued. So, no one can see color?" he asked, turning towards me. "No one, except Jonas", I explained, adding, "And he's only just starting to see some colors". Connor's LED turned yellow, as he stared at me. "This story is strange. Why does everyone see black and white? It's not as if the world will one day be depleted of color", he questioned.

   I sighed, closing the book, as I set it down on the table. "It's not really a need to explain. It's a metaphor", I explained. Connor still looked rather confused, as he tilted his head. "A colorless world, a metaphor?" he asked. I shook my head, smiling. "It's like... imagine a world where everyone is controlled. Where we have no say in who we love, in who we are", I began. Connor smirked at me, smiling. "I don't have a say in who I love and who I am, so I don't have to imagine much", he laughed. I rolled my eyes, laughing softly. "Connor, you're missing the point", I began. Connor smiled at me. "I think you are just mocking my life", he smirked. I shook my head. "Please, I'm sure Cyberlife wanted you to get mocked with such a goofy voice and terrible hair cut", I teased.

   "But, Cyberlife specifically designed my appearance and voice to facilitate my integration", Connor replied, having that rather confused look in his eyes. "Well, I suppose they did a little bit right. You've got a pleasant face", I smiled, leaning my head against the couch. Connor smiled at me, nodding his head softly. "I am not programmed to accept compliments, nor am I quite sure if that was a compliment, BUT I'm going to take it as one. Thank you", he replied. I rolled my eyes softly, staring at me. "What about you Connor? You should be out working on paperwork with the cases, but you choose to come here. I get Hank isn't the greatest person to hang around, but shouldn't you be looking around for other deviants or something?" I  asked. 

   Connor stared at me, a smirk toying at his features. It was nothing like I had seen Cyberlife design. Almost like it was his own smirk. I couldn't help but find it rather adorable. "So, you get to ask about me, but your life is taboo?" he teased. I sighed, turning my head away. Damn. I could feel the cement cracking. "You're right. I'm sorry", I replied turning my head to avoid his burning gaze. "I'm sorry, I was just teasing. I understand that you don't want to talk about certain things, and I will accept that", he apologized, his voice getting softer. I sighed, staring up at Connor once again. I wished I hadn't looked up though. Maybe then, I would've have felt those already cracking walls, completely collapse, leaving a large pile of rubble in it's place.

   I swallowed the small lump in my throat, looking down. "I... I know Connor", I whispered, feeling my heart slowly begin to pound. The amount of sympathy and a understanding in Connor's eyes only made me want to open up to him even more. It wasn't that I didn't trust Connor, but I didn't trust myself. I didn't wish to grow close to anybody else. Connor stared at me, a small frown pulling at his lips. I slowly moved my hand to his cheek, gently brushing my fingers along is, as I tried to make the frown disappear. Connor didn't seem to know how to react to my touch, as his LED spun yellow, as he seemed to stare at me, his eyes holding an intensity. For a moment, I saw  _him._ It made my heart pound, as I hastily pulled my hand back, a blush settling on my cheeks.

   I could feel Connor's questioning gaze pry into my back. I was unable to speak, as I buried my face in my knees. I then felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist, pulling me towards them. I knew it was Connor, and I felt the heat in my cheeks rising. "I have collected information on how to comfort someone who is hurting from past occurrences. Are you feeling better?" he asked softly. I softly pulled his hands off my waist, as I sat up. "I'm fine. Sorry", I apologized, looking back away hastily. "Was that not helping?" he asked, sounding slightly hurt. I felt a burn in my chest, as the ghost of Connor's hands lingered on my hips. "It... I don't need anything. I'm okay Connor. I think I should sleep, it's late", I replied, standing up. Damn useless walls. Connor stared after me, seeming to process everything that happened.

    _Where the hell is Allanoi?_ He then stood up, his gaze burning into mine. The way my name left his tongue caused a shiver to run up my spine. It caused every bone in my body to freeze. "You're confusing me", he said softly. I shook my head, staring at him. "I'm being pretty clear", I replied. "No, you keep switching emotions. I can't tell if you're fine, if you're sad, or if you just keep faking being happy, because you don't want to express your true feelings. Adapting to human unpredictability is one of my features, but it seems I can't even adapt to you. I don't even know who you are", Connor explained, shaking his head. He then settled back down on the couch, burying his hands in his face. "Why do I even care", he muttered to himself.

   I felt guilt pile on my shoulders, as I stared at the somewhat broken android.  _Fuck_. I settled down beside him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, as I pulled him close to me. "Connor. It's okay", I whispered softly. Connor didn't move underneath me, as he seemed to calm slightly. He stared up at me, sighing. "I haven't caught one deviant", he exploded, shaking his head. "I should try harder... I should do better... I should... I should...", Connor trailed off, his LED swirling yellow. I didn't know non deviated androids could look so stressed, but Connor certainly did. I sighed, looking at him. "Or maybe, you're doing perfectly fine. Maybe you're just too hard on yourself", I explained. Connor shook his head. "Cyberlife designed me to hunt and track down deviants. To figure out what causes a flaw in their programming. I...", Connor seemed at a loss for words.

   "You should calm down and stop overthinking everything", I finished. Connor sighed, his LED slowly fading from yellow back to blue. "I... I'm okay", he whispered. I sighed, pressing my forehead into his shoulder. "Connor, you can't just break down like that. DPD needs you. Hank needs you", I explained.  _I need you._ I found myself unable to speak the words that had formed in my mind. I decided not to act on such thoughts, as I shook my head. Connor stared up at me, his brown eyes seeming to search my face for something. "You're right. I have yet to complete my mission. The mission is all that matters", he replied. I sighed, slowly pulling my arms off of him. "Cyberlife needs you". Connor seemed to calm down at my words, sighing. 

   After calming Connor down, he had begun to read The Giver again. I had told him I was going to sleep, and he instantly picked the book up, clearly wishing to understand it the way I did. I don't think Connor would be able to understand the book the way I did though. He tended to take things quite literal. I sighed, softly closing the door to my room, as I shuffled around in the darkness. Carefully, I unclasped the chain around my neck, placing my lotus flower necklace on a tack from one of the few space posters in the room. I was surprised I had found it, considering it was rather hard to see. Once my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I made my way to my bed, throwing myself on it. I found my mind going back to the conversations I had with Connor. I wasn't able to process much, as my eyes closed, sleep taking over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter was good enough, but we still have many more rides to experience on this journey. I still have many unexplained things about the story line and the reader. I also don't want to rush anything, since most relationships don't just snap into a thing after very little interaction with each other. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and thanks for making it this far. Also, could you maybe leave some song suggestions with songs that might fit the reader or the relationship with the reader. I've found a few, but I'm thinking about making a playlist. That way, I can listen to songs that remind me of the story while I write lol. If you'd like me to put the playlist in the notes next chapter, let me know, and I'll put the playlist in the next chapter.


	10. IMPORTANT NOTE

So, as you guys can tell there hasn't been an update for awhile. Well, my laptop has completely given out on me and that's where all my writing files are contained, so until I get it fixed, I'm going to be on hiatus. I don't entirely know how long I'll be gone, but I'll post a chapter when I return. Thanks for your love and support and I hope you have a lovely day.


	11. Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt this song was kind of fitting :)

_<https://youtu.be/4B9XMAbH-b0> _

 

_Y/N's Age in this flashback: 16_

_I shook my head softly, smiling softly up at Tyler. "You did not say that to him!" I exclaimed, knowing his claims weren't true. Tyler stared at me, smiling softly. "It was close enough to what I said", he defended himself, a smirk toying on his lips. I sighed, turning my head away. "Okay Mr.Tough guy", I smirked. "Hey, how long have I been here?" he asked, looking around the room. I shrugged, sitting up, as I eyed the clock. "Maybe almost an hour", I replied, seeing the time. Tyler nodded, looking around the room. "Tyler, how are you different from the others? How come you seem as if you don't want to hurt me?" I questioned, tilting my head. I had known him for almost a month now, and the question forever seemed to taunt me._

_Tyler shrugged, sighing. "It's... it's complicated", he replied, his eyes staying on the clock. I stared back at him, tilting my head. "What do you mean?" I asked, not understanding. Tyler sighed, seeming to push the question away. "It's hard to explain... I don't even entirely understand", he replied. I sighed, shaking my head. "I saw my dad the other day, he was doing something to one of the androids. I wasn't able to see what. Are the others okay?" I asked softly, feeling my heart pound. I shouldn't care about the other androids, but at the same right it wasn't their fault that they couldn't defy against their orders. Tyler stared at me, shrugging. "Knowing your dad, probably not. I'm surprised I'm still alive, if we're being honest", he replied._

_Tyler then stood up, sighing. "I should probably get going. Stay safe and stay hidden. I'll come back and find you in a few hours, but don't tell me where you'll be. I'll find you. Bring you a sandwich maybe", he smiled, hastily slipping out the door, locking it on his way out. He always locked the door behind me, like he didn't want me following him. Perhaps he was just trying to protect me from the others. The thought had occurred many times in the past, but I it never seemed to satisfy me. One time, Tyler even went as far as to tell me that every time he leaves I need to move somewhere else. I never understood that part, because if he had locked the door it would keep the others out. I usually did move rooms, but this time I decided to stay. Although, I recall reading somewhere curiosity killed the cat, but I'm not a cat._

I awoke, breathing heavily, as a chill went down my spine. I looked around, taking in the safety and familiarity of "my room". Realization hit. I sighed, staring down, as I softly wiped the tears away. It was just a dream. The dreams only seemed to get more intense each night. I let my eyes adjust to the darkness, as I squinted, looking at the clock on the bedside table.  _3:27am._ I groaned in frustration, throwing myself into my pillow.  _What am I going to do today?_ I sat up, sighing, as I swung my feet over the side of my bed. There was no way I was going to get anymore sleep now. The floor was cold against my bare feet, sending chills throughout my entire body, as I let out a slight shiver, rubbing my arms from the sensation.

   I noticed the light was on in the living room. I rubbed my eyes sleepily, slowly standing up, as I approached my door, slowly opening it. The living room was just a few feet from my room, and I could make out the shadow of a body sitting in front of a fireplace, staring at something on the ground. I tilted my head, my brow furrowing, as I slowly walked forward, unsure what to do.  _Had someone broken in while me and Allanoi were asleep? If so, what were they doing on the floor? And why had they lit the fireplace?_ The possibility that a killer had broken in seemed to decrease, as the questions swarmed my head. When I got closer, realization hit, and I mentally slapped myself in the face, shaking my head. Connor had still been here when I had fallen asleep.

   His LED was yellow, and his perfect brown hair sticking up in several strands. I stared at him for a moment, smiling at the confused look on his face, his brow scrunched up. I could now see that he was writing something down on a notepad, the book beside him, as he observed the page, chewing his bottom lip. He looked adorable. A warmness spread through me, as he continued reading, reminding me so much of Tyler. It was eerie how often Connor reminded her of him. Although, maybe it was due to the fact that they were both androids. It could also be due to the fact that she just missed Tyler. Connor seemed to finally notice she was watching him, as his voice spoke, eyes not leaving his notes and book.

   "I still can't seem to understand this book. There's something deeper than the literal meaning, but I can't seem to find it. I've read it multiple times. I've tried to find meanings, but there seems to be no files available". I found myself unsure how to reply. Then a soft laugh escaped my mouth, as I slowly shook my head, sighing. "Because, before you could look up the meaning for books. You're supposed to interpret them. Carl said he first read it in, when he was forty-five. It had just came out, and he love everything about it", I explained. Connor looked up at me, his yellow LED slowly circling, as he stared at me, sighing. "I just wish I could understand it the way you humans do", he replied. I slowly walked over, sighing, as I sat down beside him.

   "Well, Connor you take things very... literally, so it'd be a lot harder for you to find the symbolical meaning behind it. Don't get me wrong, when I first got the book at age fifteen, I didn't know ANYTHING about what it meant. My friend Tyler helped me break it down", I replied, sighing at the memory. That was the one present my dad hadn't taken. Probably because Carl had delivered it. Connor, stared up at me. "Who was Tyler?" he asked, his brow furrowing. The question took me off guard and caused my blood to freeze.  _Who was Tyler?_ I found the words caught in my throat, as I stared at the ceiling, tears slowly forming in my eyes. Connor stared at me, frowning softly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry", he apologized, reaching his hand out, then slowly pulling it away.

   I blinked the tears away, sighing, as I shook my head. "No. You're fine, I just... Tyler and me... we were close", I whispered, sighing. Connor seemed to back off, nodding. "Can you explain to me your break down of the story?" Connor asked, changing the subject. I found myself thankful for the change, as I sighed softly, smiling. "Yea Connor. What notes do you have so far?", I whispered, staring at him, as I slowly picked up his notepad. Before I could even begin reading it though, the android ripped it from my hands, his cheeks flushing a slight shade of blue. "Don't worry about that, it's not... that's for cases. I decided to work on mine and Lieutenant's work, since I couldn't understand the book", he said hastily, as I stared at him, tilting my head. 

   Connor looked quite adorable, as he bashfully put the notepad in his jacket, sighing. "Connor, you don't have any clue as to what any of the metaphors are behind this book, do you?" I asked softly, curious on if he at least picked up on ONE thing. Connor's LED turned yellow, as he stared at the ground, seeming to search for something. He sighed softly, shaking his head. "I must be the worst detective on the planet at the moment", he said, smiling sideways at me, his hand propping up his head, as he lay spread out across the floor. It was the first time I had ever seen the android looking so calm and at peace. I exhaled softly once again, feeling a sense of warmth wash over me. "No, I mean you're slowly figuring me out", I replied, adding, "I've never felt so guarded and yet so open in such a long time".

   Connor smiled up at me, shaking his head. "And yet I feel as though I still haven't cracked your tough exterior, in fact, I feel as though I'm getting no where. Even though you're not my mission, I wish to accomplish finding information about you", he explained. I shook my head, sighing. "Connor... Why?" I asked, tilting my head. It reminded me of the many times I had questioned Tyler and received no answer. Connor's brow furrowed, as his LED spun yellow once again. He sighed, shaking his head. "I had already told you, I don't entirely know. I just look at you, and it pains me to see how effortlessly you almost took your life. It makes me wonder what could've happened that made you feel that way. It's not like you're a deviant with a stress level. It intrigues me", he explained.

   I sighed, leaning my head back into the cushion of the couch. I didn't rest my head long, as Connor called out my name once again, making me look up. He looked at me, a serious expression on his face. "I don't think you going away for those months did any good", Connor stated bluntly. I felt confusion grace my features, as I shook my head. "I don't think that's any of your business", I snapped back. Connor shook his head, his gaze burning into my skin. "Maybe not, but I can tell nothings changed about you. Tyler was a special android, so I've been told. Allanoi said she wouldn't tell me much aside from the fact that he was one of the older models and there was some intense feelings that were going on mutually between the two of you. Did something happen to him?" he asked.

   There it was again. That feeling. The feeling of a hollow chest, being filled with water, just drowning. It was like trying to swim in a river upstream, being knocking back down by the waves. There was nothing I could do, nothing I could say, to stop the water from throwing and jerking me around. I blinked several times, shaking my head, pleading the tears not to come. I didn't spend so long building such high walls, for them to collapse so quickly. They had already begun crumbling though, but I refused to let the android get through to me again. I found my voice, shaking my head. "So what if something did? What does he have to do with the book?" I asked, hoping it wasn't shaking as much as me. I sighed, slowly standing up, as I walked to the kitchen. I needed some water.

   The sound of footsteps fallowing behind me, irritated me, as I opened the door, grabbing a bottle from the side. I saw Connor, standing in the doorway, his eyes seeming to focus on my every move, burning into my skin, making a burning sensation spread through me. "What?" I asked. Connor sighed, furrowing his brow. "I wish you weren't so complicated. You're just as confusing as these damned deviants", he exclaimed. I rolled my eyes, staring at him. "Are these deviants really that confusing? They react to terrible situations, in order to protect themselves... or those important to them. It's not confusing at all, and it's not errors in their software, it's real intense emotions", I snapped, my fingers gripping the top of a seat so tightly my knuckles were turning white. 

   Connor stared at me, confusion and sympathy gracing his features. He sighed in frustration once again, shaking his head. "I don't understand why you're defending machines that have committed crimes. Machines who have murdered", Connor erupted. I held his gaze, fire burning in my eyes. "And how many of those deviants were in households where they were treated like human beings and not slaves?" I questioned. Connor froze, staring at the ground, seeming at loss for words, his LED whirring once again to the all too familiar yellow color. I rolled my eyes, picking up my water bottle, as I made my way to the closet, retrieving once of my hoodies. I slipped it over my head, as Connor followed me, calling out my name. "Where are you going?" he asked. I glared at him, straightening my hoodie. "For a walk", I replied, walking out the door, as I slammed it on his face.

   

 

   

 


	12. Home Sweet Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha... I bet you thought I forgot about this story. Hehe nope, I just have a problem with developing writer's block. I'm so sorry for the lack of updates, and I shall try to update a little more. Now I shall stop talking and allow you to read.

   Everyone was constantly telling me, " _It's going to be okay. It's not that bad. You've got a beautiful future"._ I believed that fortune cookie crap when I was younger. I believed the world was good and that one day everything would be okay. Nothing's ever okay though. Because no matter what, you still have to deal with what happened in the past. There isn't just a quick button to help you get over it all. There isn't a way to erase memories, or at least not yet. Cyberlife is guaranteed to come up with something of the sort. I glared at the thought, shaking my head. The nip of the cold air, bit at me, chilling me. I rubbed my shoulders softly, sighing.  _Stupid Connor._ Snow slowly began to fall, and I had began to regret not wearing a thicker jacket.

    _Why did my past matter so much?_   _Why did I think it'd be a good idea to come out in my Pj's?_ I found myself shivering, as I continued to walk down the streets, unsure of where I was going. I felt myself begin to shiver from the cold, as I pulled my jacket closer to my body. The snowflakes drifting through the sky seemed to careless. So... free. The snowflakes seemed to know exactly where they were going, falling perfectly in the sidewalk. Almost as if they had been given instructions on exactly where to land.  _A snowflake never falls in the wrong place._ I stared down at the snowflakes that decorated the roads. I sighed, looking away, turning my head to the side, only for my heart to freeze upon my seeing something that sent chills down my spine.

   I hadn't realized I had walked down  _that road._ The broken down house stuck out, the roof sinking in and the paint peeling down the sides of the house. I didn't know I had walked so far. It was nostalgic and terrifying. I had assumed it had gotten taken down after all these years. I looked around, carefully creeping through the fence that surrounded the area, shaking.  _Why was I entering this house? You know he's not going to be here._ I shakily walked around the broken glass that littered the ground, staring at the cracked windows. Before, it was a pretty house. _"My mother had picked it, before...",_ I shook the thought away, feeling the tears begin to form. Everything about this place brought horrific memories. I stared down at a long scar along my arm, slowly tracing a finger over it. This was before he had started working on his  _androids._

    _I stared up at my dad, tilting my head. I didn't quite understand why he was so angry all the time. My uncle had told me my mom wasn't going to be around anymore, but I couldn't understand why. "Dad, since mom's not going to be around anymore, why can't we just go see mom? I'm sure she would love to see us. Doesn't she miss us?"_ _I asked, staring up at him, as he buried his head in the table, glass bottles accumulating on the surface of the table. My dad mumbled something, inaudible. I looked down, then back up, confusion taking over my features. "She's dead. She died because of you", he said, turning to look at me, causing my blood to freeze. The look on his face sent chills down my spine, pairing with the words. I found tears slowly forming in my eyes, as I stared up at my dad, my heart pounding in my chest. I couldn't quite understand how I can killed mom._

_"No dad, mom's just going away because she's tired and needs to rest...", I replied, my voice trailing off as each word left my mouth. It sounded dumb when I put it that way. My dad stared at me, his eyes sending chips of ice into my soul. If looks could kill. I froze, feeling my body begin to shake, and I was unsure if it was from the ice in his gaze or the hatred. I found myself at a loss for words, as he shook his head, glaring intensely at me. "Go to your room", he yelled. I stared up at him, somewhat confused. What was going to my room going to do? How would going to my room fix things? I tilted my head, staring up at him. I had never seen that look on his face. Although, future me was used to it. "Wh-why?" I found myself stuttering, as I shook. He sat up so fast, the chair he was sitting in fell over, making a loud slamming noise, as it hit the ground.  
_

_He was inches from my face, anger taking over his features, as he gripped my arm tightly. "D-dad you're hurting me", I stuttered. He glared down at me, shaking his head. "When I say go to your room, you go to your room!" he shouted, shoving me into the floor. I had fallen on something, but I wasn't entirely sure what it was. It skidded across my arm, cutting it, as blood began to pool out. I looked, seeing a broke bottle, blood covering the edges. I felt my heart begin to pound, as I stared at my bloodied arm, a sense of numbness and pain flooding through it. I stared up at my dad, who look back with cold eyes. That's not your dad. He's gone. I hastily ran up the stairs, holding my arm close to my chest. It needed stitches, but I was in no position to ask my dad for help. I felt the blood douse my shirt, causing my arm to stick to it. I sighed, holding back tears as I entered the bathroom._

_I used my good arm to close the door, locking it, as I searched around for something. I opened the sink, spotting mom's sewing kit. I let out a sigh of relief, pulling it out. This was going to fucking suck real bad. I reached further back, grabbing a bottle of peroxide and the few ace bandages. My mom had taught me to sew a little, but left before I could finish. I pulled my arm away slowly, rinsing water over it. The water seeping into the cut, making my arm burn, as I let out a small yelp. Slowly, I poured the peroxide next, watching as my arm began to bubble. I closed my eyes, trying to stay quiet, as I dabbed a damp cloth around the cut. What am I doing? I needed to go to a hospital and get this properly done. I knew that wasn't really an option though. I let out a shaky breath, opening my eyes, as I stared at the needle, slowly lacing a piece of thread through it. Here goes nothing._

_I slowly pressed the needle into my skin, not able to go even half way through, as I let out a cry, screaming. I found myself unable to describe the pain soaring through my arm, as I gritted my teeth. I exhaled slowly, eyeing the needle, as blood slowly trickled out from where the needle was impaled in my skin. I calmed myself, pulling the needle the rest of the way through, as I tried to ignore the pain, letting out another scream and cry. "SHUT THE FUCK UP IN THERE! DON'T MAKE ME COME UP THERE!" my dad shouted. I bit my bottom lip, as I continued doing an uneven stitch, more blood pooling out. My heart was leaping out of my chest, as I closed my eyes, trying not to think about the pain. I looked down at my arm, noticing that I had only gotten one line going across my arm, no where close to finishing the stitching process. This was going to be a long night. A night I would grow accustomed to._

I sighed, slowly placing my arm by my side. It was hard not to envision that night. To comprehend... I wasn't there anymore. Those were that nights that seemed branded into my brain, a constant burning reminder that sent upon me many sleepless nights, much like the ones I had while I was away. I closed my eyes, as the tears slowly leaked out, leaving a trail of memories behind.  _Why couldn't I change? Why couldn't I just get over myself? Quite being so selfish._ I hated what I was putting everyone through. I hated that I had suddenly become the center of attention. Things didn't go the way they were supposed to. Why did the snowflakes get is so easy? How come they got to know exactly where to go, never falling in the wrong place. I felt the tears freeze to my cheeks, leaving a frozen trail, as they streamed down. The cold eating away at the exposed patches on my face didn't help with the immense pain in my chest.

   Then I opened my eyes, and I could see it all. The house, standing tall, holding the earliest of memories. The happier times. I smiled softly to myself, as a car pulled up, and a familiar figure stepped out, a smile on her face. "Mrs.Manfred, I love the way that sounds", she said excitedly. I felt a stray tear stream down my cheeks, watching my mom step out of the car fully, her back arched from the weight inside her stomach.  _Me._ I could remember the story. My mom had told it to a younger, more happier me, a million times. "Mrs. Manfred, welcome home", my dad replied, smiling, as he closed her door, scooping her up in his arms. The snow no longer littered the ground, but now several yellow daffodils took it's place, growing along the sidewalk. I watched as they opened the door, slowly stepping inside the empty house. The wind blew, sending the petals flying off the daffodils, as they began turning brown, dying.

   I felt my heart slam inside my rib cage, as I quickly ran towards the door.  _What was happening?_ The cold wrapped around me, as I began slamming my body into the door, but it refused to open. The dead daffodils began drooping, sinking into the ground, causing more panic to rise within me. I couldn't understand why, but I HAD to get inside the house. I had to fix things. I could make things better. They didn't have to go this way. The door seemed to sink under my weight, after a matter of seconds, shocking me, as I fell inside the house, my shoulder slamming into the wooden floor. I let out a groan, ignoring the splintering bits of wood burrowed inside my shoulder.  _Stupid PJS._ I heard voices inside, faint but panicked. I slowly pushed myself off the floor, closing my eyes, as an attempt to ignore the raging fire that burned throughout my shoulder. It all seemed to realistic, then I froze, hearing that small helpless voice.

   " _No, mom's... she was just tired. She said she was going to bed... SHE WOULDN'T LEAVE US"._ The voice sent thorns inside my chest, as I slowly peeked around the corner, spotting a small child, staring up at my dad, oceans in her eyes. The look of frustration in my dad's eyes sent a shiver down my spine. It was an all too familiar look. One that the small child would soon grow accustomed to. I found the room growing more cold, then I felt something touch my shoulder, making my heart pound, as I instinctively ran away, hiding behind a broke down wall, pressing my back against the wood. I hastily buried my head in my legs, shaking, as I shook my head.  _No. He found me. It's happening all over again. It's all my fault._ I then heard a familiar voice, soft and reassuring, unlike that of my dad's. My name softly left his lips, as he spoke. "It's okay... it's just me, Connor. You forgot your coat".

   I slowly lifted my head, my heart calming down. Then I realized, I was alone, standing inside the broken down house. "I don't think it's safe to be in here. I've scanned around, and there are traces of black mold insider here, which I have read, isn't good for humans", Connor said comfortingly. I sighed, nodding my head softly.  _You're not there. You're safe._ I let Connor reach down, grabbing my hand, as he pulled me up, my heart rate only intensifying once again. The feeling of his hand against mine felt so foreign. It was nothing like the rubber I once held all those years ago. I tightened his hand in mine, throwing myself at Connor, as I cried on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. Please don't make me go back there" I wept, feeling his hands float above my waist in shock. Then, slowly I felt his hands tighten around my waist. "I... I won't", he said softly, hugging me. It felt strange... almost human like. I closed my eyes tightly, basking in the feeling. _I was safe._  

   

 

 

   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, some of you guys are probably curious as to what happened. I did mean to update, it's just... things have been so busy, and I find it hard to not only find the time but also inspiration to write. However, I am not loosing inspiration for this story. I still have so many plans with this. It's a story I value and hold really close to me, so I don't plan on slowing down again anytime soon. I am trying so hard to not only write a quick chapter, but keep my style of deep empathetic writing. I prefer to write not just blunt descriptions and empty dialogue, but vivid symbolic descriptions and meaningful relate-able conversations. Which results in me harshly judging myself. I have rewritten this chapter at least six times, and this was the final result. I am so sorry for the wait, but I didn't want to just spit out filler chapters. I want every chapter to have a bit of importance, without ruining the main ideas and plot. Thanks so much for the wait once again, and know I am trying desperately hard to keep these chapters as interesting as possible. I don't want people to tire and become bored of this story. I love you guys, and thanks again so much for sticking around after such a tremendous wait. You are what makes this story possible.  
> ~ Simplistic Panda <3


	13. Excitement is not Happiness

       I stared down at the desk, the sound of keys clicking from fingers typing along a keyboard. It had become more busy, since I had last been in here. The only other noise heard was the clicking from me tapping my nails on the surface of the desk. Allanoi was typing a deviancy report on her computer, her eyes locked intently on the screen. All I could think of were the events that had happened only hours ago. For the first time in a long time I could delve into the past and just smile. Feel safe. 

       _Connor held me securely in his arms, as I shivered, my hands wrapped around his neck. I softly entangled my fingers with the small strands of hair that seemed messy and stuck out in the back. The view of the old and decaying house was slowly falling away, and with each step Connor took, I found myself filling up with relief. I hadn't felt this safe in a long time. It was also foreign being back to such an old place. I wasn't in any way prepared for it. Why had I slowly traced my steps back there? I didn't do it intentionally, however there was this small piece inside of me that filled up with disappointment, like a ship sinking down into the depth of the sea. Was I expecting to see him? There was no possibility that he would be there, so why did I keep hoping?_

_I allowed myself to relax, as I rested my head into Connor's shoulder, closing my eyes softly. Something about him made me feel like there was a fire floating inside me, heating me up despite the cold. There was this feeling in my chest that didn't make it seem so hollow. It was a foreign feeling, and I found myself unsure of how to handle it. It made me wonder if that's how people were taking my situation. Hard to handle? Did they think I was a ticking time bomb, ready to go off at a moments notice? I felt this tightening feeling in my chest at the thought._

_However, a voice spoke out, breaking my thoughts. "You're vitals seem low. After you left the apartment, I don't know... I can't explain why... I felt something. I don't recognize it. I don't like it. I... I couldn't stop seeing you die, alone in the cold. I can't seem to explain... this has nothing to do with my mission, and yet the second you stepped out that door, something paralyzing wrapped around me. I don't want you to die. I don't want to loose you. I CANT loose you. I don't even know what's going on. I... I don't want to die either. I... there's errors in my software, and I don't want to find out what the problem is. I was built to only accomplish my mission, and yet with you on my mind I can't seem to think about the mission", Connor breathed out, his LED flicking quickly to red._

_I found myself unable to speak. I stared deeply into the gorgeous eyes that seemed so filled with fear, worry. They seemed to captivate me. He didn't want me to die? I've been nothing but a pain in his ass, and he can't stop thinking about me. His eyes seemed to be searching through me intently, wrapping me in a warmth that I hadn't even realized I had been craving. It was unfamiliar. Then, quickly I blinked, looking away, torn out of... whatever that was. I bit my tongue softly, processing everything Connor said. Then, in a cold monotone voice I replied, "Connor, you were meant to accomplish your mission, not worry about some random human you know nothing about. Solve these deviancy cases and forget about me, because I will be forgetting about you"._

_Connor seemed unsure how to take my words, as he stared at me. His LED then flashed blue once again, and he nodded. "You're right. My mission in top priority right now. Once I ensure you are safe, I will return to my duties, because protecting human life is also a high priority". i found myself feeling that once again familiar cold feeling, as I kept my head off his shoulder, touching as little of the android as possible. The familiar cold feeling was unsettling and not as comforting as the warmth, however it was familiar and much more welcomed. It was something I knew and understood._

If I had really meant those words, then why was I sitting in a police station doing all but forgetting the mesmerizing android. All I could picture was his adorable round eyes. The small strand of hair that seemed to hang loosely against his forehead. Every slight crinkle in his plastic face. EVERY small freckle dotted along and around his face. Every feature seemed burned into my brain. Every word that had slipped from his lips in his little android panic, seemed grazed into my brain, like an annoying clock that ticked repeatedly, the noise replaying every moment in my mind. 

     However, I was instantly snapped out of it, when the sound of something snapping in two caused me to look down. The pen I had picked up subconsciously, was now broken in half, the black ink spreading along the desk and across my hands. I was also alerted by someone groaning my name angrily. "Really, that was one of my few good pens I... Are you okay? You look a little pale", Allanoi asked, staring intently at me. I felt my insides seem to clam up, as a wave of nausea crept through me.  _Had I messed up telling Connor I'd forget about him?_ I shoved the thought away hastily, straightening up. "I'm fine Allanoi, I just... I don't know what came over me. I just... can't seem to get my mind right", I whispered in response. Allanoi glanced at me sympathetically.

     "Do you want to go for a walk? I'm sure I can get your aunt Caroline down here-", I cut her off, with a wave of my hand. "No, I just need to find something to do. Do you know how boring it is in this small ass office? And the smell from staying here so long, obviously without any fresh air I'm going to get flushed", I replied, standing up. Allanoi glanced at me, not seeming to buy my story. "Alright, go just outside the police department doors, but only if you take someone from in here with you", she replied. I sighed, staring at her. "Allanoi..." I groaned throwing my head back. She shook her head. 

    "No buts, it's either you do it with my conditions or not at all". I sighed, staring around the police department. "But what if I don't know anyone from here?" I replied, feeling as if everyone was staring at me. "You know officer Miller. I'm sure he'd be happy to get away from his unimportant work for the moment", Allanoi smirked, then looked around, "There's also Officer Kennedy, you know, if you want some eye candy while you be depressed". I rolled my eyes at my best friend, shaking my head. "Fuck you. It's not like I fan-girled about him when I visited you in school", I replied as a joke, but then started to really stare at him. "Although, how is it possible, after all these years Leon still looks fine as fuck?".

     Allanoi laughed, shaking her head at me. "Only you. You know what I don't trust you with him, you'll be hauled off to jail for sexual assault within a few moments if you go out with him. Go find officer Miller", she laughed, shoving me away. I smiled in response, flipping her off, as I made my way to officer Miller's desk, however when I got there he was no where to be seen. "If you're looking for Officer Miller, he isn't here right now", a voice spoke, as I turned, spotting Gavin Reed, a styrofoam cup in his hand. 

     I rolled my eyes, leaning against the wall. "Shouldn't you be out solving one of these homicidal deviancy cases?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. Detective Reed gave me a smug smile in response, shaking his head. "They only save me for the really good cases, why waste valuables on something insignificant?" he replied. I scoffed, shaking my head. "Funny, now I really all of the sudden need some air, and at this point I could care less if Allanoi gets pissed at me for leaving", I replied, turning around.

     "Ah, distancing yourself from what you can't have. I get that, have fun outside in the cold. You know, if you need anything to warm you right up though-", I cut him off, not even caring to hear the rest of his sentence. "Sure, if that's what boosts your confidence. However, you do realize there's a distance between something I deserve and something I can't have, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you are certainly not the first of the two", I replied, showing a mock pouty face, as I turned around, walking out of the office.

    The cold that hit my face was a fresh breath of relief, as I inhaled the chilly Detroit air, the smell of muddy snow and cheap hot dogs filled my scent. I smiled softly, leaning my head against the front of the building, smiling, as something about the chilly winter cold, reminded me of a time, that was vaguely recent, however it felt like centuries ago.

      _I stared out the window, a soft smile painted on my lips, as I watched the snow slowly drift down, seeming to dance gracefully across the streets of Detroit. It was rare that I was able to look out the window in some of the rooms, without fearing that someone would break through and ruin it all, however this time was fairly different from what it was like when I was usually alone. A small smile graced my features, as I slowly pulled my gaze away, making my way across the bed, as I pressed my head against his chest._

      _I stared up at Tyler, feeling safe, as he wrapped his arms securely around me. "I'm so close Tyler... soon I will have enough, then we can leave, forget about this place", I breathed, holding on tightly to Tyler's hand. "I don't even think burning this house down could help get rid of the memories it contains, but I'll be glad to get to be with you", Tyler breathed in response, pressing a soft kiss against my forehead. I closed my eyes, enjoying his touch, as I held on even tighter to his hand. Things felt too good currently, and maybe I should fear it, but happiness dulled away the fear._

    _"I can see it now. You and me in some small shitty apartment, watching reruns of Buddies. Singing that stupid annoying theme song everyone loves. OH and visiting Uncle Carl. Tyler Carl will LOVE you. He's such a wise man and so full of light. Oh and then-", Tyler silenced me, by tilting my head back and pressing a soft kiss against my lips. "Hey... we've got forever to plan our future out. Is there anything you didn't plan for? It seems our life will have no excitement", he sighed, smiling as he shook his head softly._

      _"There will still be excitement, I just want us to be happy as well. A wise person named Kari Price once stated, "Excitement isn't happiness", I replied. Tyler stared at me, shaking his head. "You and those cheesy inspiration quotes", he breathed, shaking his head softly. I smiled back, rolling my eyes. "Those quotes are my treasures and they keep me from ending it all", I teased, kissing his hand softly. Tyler smiled once again, resting his chin above my head. "Whatever keeps you here with me, I'll take it", he replied softly, and I found my eyes slowly closing, as a new found tiredness slowly seemed to rub in._

     I smiled softly, wiping away the few tears that had slowly gathered in my eyes, as I shook my head.  _I will not cry._ That was one of the happiest moments of my life. Even if it didn't last the way we had planned, something inside my heart seemed to shift, and all I could see was Tyler's gorgeous face creep into my mind, seeming to bear into my soul. I let out a soft sigh, my breath bellowing in the cold, as a small cloud of smoke blew out, then vanished as quickly as it had appeared.      

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowie it's an update. I just got a serious case of writer's block for the moment, and no matter what I tried I could not find a good idea for this story to continue. You'd think with so many things that are still a mystery, I'd have plenty to write, I just don't want to rush anything. I'm happy to be back and happy late Valentine's day, which is the day I started writing this. If you did have someone special to spend that day with, wow must be nice. Just kidding, I hope you had a wonderful time and you deserve the world. Also, if anyone is seriously struggling and would like to have someone to talk to, I'm always available, and you can message me on my instagram, @down_the.rabbit_.hole . I hope all of you aren't too pissed at me for the lack of updates, but just know I'm back FOR REAL this time. There's so much flowing through my head. I would also like to apologize if any of the references to things irritated you guys, they were just really fun to kind of throw in there. If you get them, I love you, and if you don't I love you still. I hope you guys still read this story, and I feel really fucking guilty about just leaving you guys. I'm back though, and I am much better.Also, 999 reads, YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING AMAZING

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this was kind of short, but this IS just the beginning. I hope you enjoyed, and I do plan to update pretty weekly or biweekly, it just sort of depends I guess. I might try to come up with an update schedule, I haven't decided, but I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
